I’ll be honest. I’m crying myself with joy, and nervousness, and sadness, and bittersweet goodbyes, and change. I have rum now. It’s probably why I’m writing to you, now.
I’m leaving in a few hours, ‘forever’. I’m currently working my last shift. I’ve been here for about 10.5 hours. Still got a few more left. My other coworker interns are asleep. I’m silently exhaling a few tears. Made of nostalgia, they are the weight that is pulling my head down.
I’m so exhausted. My bones are sore. I need to slow down. And I do. Starting today, actually. Some of my friends are coming up to NYC and we are going to hang out and do whatever it is we do, then within a week I move back.
I might have a band or something, really soon. Can you imagine? Life as it were, after all that? It kind of feels like that. I’m returning to where I was, just a year and a half of experience later. So much experience. I lived on different coasts, climates, cities, people, school and real life and grids and cultures and wordings and kind of everything.
If you are reading this, chances are I’m in love with you. I do.
I am leaving my dream. I am walking into my dream. I think that means I am living my dream. I’ve never felt quite like this. Home, and gone, and different. I feel old. I feel used. I feel like I need to rest. Catch some air. Breathe deep and open my hands.
I remember starting.
I was so different.
My mind was working at a different place.
More scared of the dark.
Now I have colors in view.
I’m looking forward to these coming holidays.
I love my friends. All of them. I’m not even lying when I say I have tears on my keyboard just thinking about embracing some of them. Some of you. All of you.
I am lucky to be alive.
Do you have your metrocard?
You’re going to need it to ride the “D” train.
When the surviving astronaut, Bowman, ultimately reaches Jupiter, this artifact sweeps him into a force field or star-gate that hurls him on a journey through inner and outer space and finally transports him to another part of the galaxy, where he’s placed in a human zoo approximating a hospital terrestrial environment drawn out of his own dreams and imagination. In a timeless state, his life passes from middle age to senescence to death. He is reborn, an enhanced being, a star child, an angel, a superman, if you like, and returns to earth prepared for the next leap forward of man’s evolutionary destiny. - Stanley Kubrick